


Don't you remember?

by nessanumennesse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Falling In Love, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Pining, Post-Hell Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessanumennesse/pseuds/nessanumennesse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel found Dean in Hell, remade his soul, got to know him and fell deeply in love, for the first time ever experiencing happiness of true love. That is, until they made their escape and Dean forgot all about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Off the Racks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)
> 
> Reviews are *greatly* appreciated. Huge thanks to my dear supersmart beta, Lammermoor.
> 
> Please enjoy, 
> 
> Nessa.

Hell cannot be described. There are no words that could capture the extreme amounts of pain, horror, and _fear_. Being torn in such fundamental way, without hope or light, breaks the human soul way beyond repair. Torture like that takes time, but, they are here forever, aren't they? Left with nothing but misery and agony. Still, Dean was fighting despite his weaknesses, despite his desire for everything to just be over already. He was growing weaker, steadily losing himself and his humanity in depths of Alastair's methods. Years have passed and he can barely remember his name. It's too much for him. He keeps saying no, but he knows that one day he'll say yes and that day is coming closer and closer rapidly. In a moment of weakness, he gives in. He is alone and miserable, tired of pain and his own stubbornness. Thinking it's finally over, he takes the knife in his hand.

*

Castiel is an angel. He is made to be a fearless warrior of God, honorable and true to his Father, his brothers and sisters. He served his Father's will for thousands of years, following orders and going on endless missions. When the Righteous Man descended to Hell, a new mission was formed. Castiel's garrison was entrusted with the saving of Dean Winchester. They were sent to the heart of Hell to fight for Dean’s soul and make him an earth-walking servant of Heaven once again. Their path was flooded with demons, stronger ones slowing them down and lowering their numbers. Demons in their natural surroundings were proven a challenge, even for angels. Castiel fought ruthlessly despite losses of Heaven, despite his wounds and pain.

When they broke into Alastair's realm, he was the first one to see Dean, fixed on the rack; others too busy fighting off hordes of demons. Castiel saw an utterly broken soul, filled with long suffering, fear, rage, and sadness. Dean couldn't recognize the shape of the creature that has broken into Alastair’s realm; he couldn't comprehend what was happening. He was petrified of the new torture that was hiding in the bright light surrounding him, shattering the unruffled darkness of Hell. But the cold, flesh-ripping touch he was expecting never came. Instead his shackles were gone, and hooks in him eased out. He could suck the hot, dusty, old air in, praising the forgotten feeling of air filling his lungs after years of panting. He could finally breathe. In a flash he realized this must be that sick, quiet second before the agony begun. So he relished it, waiting for new levels of pain to start. They never came and he continued to blissfully _breathe_.The light around him tightened, centered and he thought he can finally make out a figure in it, but he was too exhausted, with no control over the unconsciousness dawning upon him.

*

When Castiel found Dean, he was astounded by the magnitude of torture he went through. Damaged and broken, he didn't seem to realize that his torment was over. He wasn't saved yet, they were still in danger, but they will get him out. The Righteous Man flinched when Castiel took him off the racks, and unhooked his drained soul from demonic devices. Dean was staring at the light shining from the center of Castiel, from his pure Grace, uncontaminated with corrupted, filled with forces of Heaven. Considering how much time Dean spent in the dark, it was least surprising. Castiel embraced him, offering Dean his support and sheltering him from the rotten environment. Dean wasn't strong enough to hold on to Castiel; he let the angel carry him and he shut down completely. Demons kept coming and angels couldn't hold so many of them back. Castiel pulled a saved soul with him, intent on finding a hiding place for them far away from legions of demons. He cringed when his injured wings spread fully, but took away forcefully, protecting Dean while exposing himself and holding him close, near his soothing Grace.

Castiel was running away from his comrades and fighting- what he once thought a dishonorable act, now was a necessity for completing his mission. He needed a safe place to administer to Dean's wounds. Rummaging through deserted areas of Hell he found a tiny place, polluted with the strong smell of sulphur and lingering demonic presence, but long clear of any demons. The ones he was running from were close behind, Castiel could sense them, but he got just enough time to place hiding sigils on cave walls. This place could serve them as a shelter for a while. Hopefully, long enough for Castiel to recover and help Dean in best of his abilities.Castiel still didn't know how seriously Dean was hurt and he wanted to find out exactly how much of his Grace it would take to bring the Righteous Man back to living.

Dean was lying unaware on the dirty floor and Castiel could properly look into him. What he saw was rage, uncontrollable anger sewed into him, pain of strained conscience and deep sadness. Sadness laced through Dean’s soul so thoroughly that Castiel had a strange urge to share his Grace, to fill Dean with peace and easy content, an act that had absolutely nothing with his mission. The angel decided to reach deeper, to try and find a man who Dean was before Hell. He pulled humans memories, shoving past the ones of torture and finding the vague ones of his brother, Sam and his father, John. He saw his mother through little boy’s eyes and all the people Dean saved through soldier’s ones. He came across a hidden gentleness and forceful love for his brother and broken family, mixed with hidden sorrow. Castiel has seen Dean's whole life in moments, his endless sacrifices, his heroic courage and pure good that was making him feel obligated to dedicate his life to saving strangers, and expecting nothing in return.

Angel was in awe of such rare qualities, in human, hardly ever found together all at one. Although Castiel watched humanity from the time it was born, he didn't understand it completely. What made them do what they done, what they feel and how they feel is way beyond his understanding. He was an angel, a strange being that couldn't comprehend human ways. Dean was a complex example of a human and his life piqued Castiel's curiosity. Wanting to help a human who writhed in pain during his ministrations, Castiel allowed his Grace to expand once more and touch the wounds carved deep into Dean’s soul. He healed the lighter ones he could right now, but he was hurt, too, and recuperating takes time.

As Castiel's Grace worked around and cushioned Dean's soul, small breath of relief escaped Dean’s lips, as he saw himself in a human form. To Castiel only brightness and nature of Dean’s soul were visible. Whatever Dean’s body looked like, it couldn't top the beauty and complexity of his soul. Castiel was content in silence, letting the time pass and concentrating on purifying himself and getting back his strength. He won't use it to heal himself: after seeing how damaged Dean was, he decided that Dean’s soul needed to be rebuilt before returning to his renewed body. Castiel must erase at least some of the pain and wounds from the human’s soul before getting him back to Earth. He'll need even more strength for that and his strained Grace needed to recuperate. For a moment Castiel entertained a thought of trying to contact the angels he left behind after he freed Dean, but dismissed the idea as too risky and dangerous. He was too weak to protect both the human and himself, so he decided to wait, reinforce the sigils on cave walls and watch over Dean.

When Castiel felt the man stir to consciousness, he came closer with interest, towering over him. Never before has he had a chance to interact with a human like this. Dean awoke with a sharp intake of breath, the sound bouncing off of the cave walls, and eyes flaming open, obviously finding strange comfort in perceiving himself still corporal. Dean’s eyes quickly scanned the unknown space, squinting slightly at brightness that surrounded Castiel's compressed form, arms flying on the cave floor in search for weapon and shelter.

From a hoarse throat came a croaked sound- Dean was trying to form the words Castiel already saw in his mind ' _What is that? Is it a who? A demon? Can it be a demon? Never saw anything like it, expect maybe sun, but more rainbow-y..._ '

Castiel wanted to calm the human, seeing he was becoming more agitated and aggressive by the second. He used the human language and an imitation of their voice:"I am Castiel, Angel of the Lord." He waited a moment, watching confusion wash over Dean, amplifying when he realized he was off the racks. Dean eyed Castiel suspiciously, expecting him to start tearing him apart any moment now. He tried to sit up, but was too weak to hold himself; pain was too much and he was again struggling to stay awake.

Castiel continued with explanation:"We were sent to free you from Hell. There are... complications. I succeeded to free you from Alastair, but we are still in Hell. You should rest, we are quite safe here."

Dean grew even more suspicious now, covering into himself and finally found a voice:"There is no such thing as angels."

"Don't you trust your senses? You can't see me with your eyes, this form is not made to be comprehended by the humans. Feel me with your soul. I healed up what I could, but... there is more. It will take much more for you to walk the living again." As he said it, Castiel once again reached to Dean with his Grace, letting it envelop Dean’s battered soul, drowning him in the frankness of his words.

Terror tore through Dean as he realized what Castiel was. One single thought rummaged through his mind as the confusion subsided: 'Why?' He taught himself worthless, undeserving of salvation, of Castiel's sacrifices, his presence and light.

"You are the Righteous Man. Saving you is an order from Heaven. We'll save you." Castiel told him in a firm voice.

A sparkle of hope sprang in Dean’s mind, but he ignored it, refusing to let himself do such stupid thing like to hope. He didn't believe that even an Angel could beat the forces of Hell in Hell. It can't be done. The fact they were obviously hiding somewhere in Hell, a cave of some sorts, just confirmed his theory. Dean wondered if this incident would worsen the torture he was usually subjected to. Surely, the answer is yes. Demons didn't usually need encouragement, so this would probably just make them more inventive.

"I need time for my Grace to heal. Then I'll have to... remake you."

Dean snapped out of his pessimistic melancholy, alerted:"Remake me? What does that supposed to mean?"

"All these years you spent here damaged you and it's questionable how you would cope with them when you're back on Earth. I won't be able to erase all the memories, but I can heal you completely through remaking you. When your soul is repaired, I'll have to rebuild your body, seeing the one you left behind is already rotten."

Dean tensed, thinking of pain that is to come, ignoring Castiel’s remarks and sureness of his return to upper level. Only thing he could think about is pain, and amounts of it. His entire world is made of pain and fear. It became the only thing he knew.

Feeling Dean’s deep distress, Castiel said:"It won't hurt. You will be protected by my Grace and it will be completely painless."

"You can read my thoughts?"

"Yes. Although see them would be a better description."

Dean was uneasy, covered in shame after learning of Castiel’s abilities. "Why are you so... sparkly? And bodiless?"

Human decidedly changed the subject, addressing a thing that irked him from the moment he saw the angel. "I can take a human vessel on Earth and manifest myself in that way, but I prefer my true form, which is quite similar to this one, but much bigger. Hell, as well as Heaven, is a place for souls, not bodies."

"Then how come I am still... me? In my body, I mean?"

"You see your soul as your body. You are used to thinking of it in such way."

Dean stayed silent in next moments, thinking about Castiel’s words, trying to wrap his head around some serious metaphysics that was really beyond him. Angel silently traced Dean’s thoughts back to the ones about angels, himself and his appearance, so it wasn't that much surprised by the Dean’s next question: "Do you have wings? Are they all like in the pictures? Like real fluffy? Or are they just shiny as rest of you?"

Instead of bothering with forming the answer in human language, he ignored the pain searing through him as he spread his burned, once purely light wings, now full of wounds and fractures, darkened in places as result of constant demon attacks he was subjected to. His wings filled tiny space of cave, impressive even in their poor state and compressed form. Castiel enjoyed flying and his wings. If he was vain he would as well enjoy the fascination that overwhelmed Dean when he saw them. Right now, his wings have more important function than simply flying. They are needed to fly them out of Hell. There was no other way for Dean and him to get out of there.

"Rest now." Castiel urged once again. Soon, he hoped, he'll be good enough to start the necessary tasks. "I'll wake you when I'm ready."

Dean gurgled something undefined, even to his mind, not entirely pleased, but somehow accepted. Still, distrust, doubt and fear radiated from him as he let himself fall into unconscious state. He didn't want to think about the turn of events, or to start hoping and believing, but he knew that right now he wasn't in agonizing pain, so that was improvement.

Silently, trying to soothe Dean, Castiel said:"I'll watch over you.”


	2. (All That) Remeaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the healing begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)  
> Reviews are *greatly* appreciated. Thanks to my wonderful beta, Lammermoor.  
> Please enjoy,
> 
> Nessa.

Chaper two: (All That) Remaking  
   
It was oddly quiet. Castiel couldn't sense any demons near them. Unfortunately, he couldn't sense his comrades either. He never experienced stillness such as this. It was very disturbing. But luckily, he could still feel the power of Heaven pulsing within him. He was considerably stronger now, probably because he chose not to attend to his wounds, rather saving all his powers for Dean.  
   
Human didn't wake since they spoke and now was enjoying steady, calm, dreamless state. Nightmares and memories of time spent with Alastair haunted him often, but Castiel stayed true to his promise and warded those off, gifting Dean some peace. Even in his years on Earth, Dean would rarely find this kind of content, given his life was filled with creatures of night and great loses. Castiel thought about Dean's future, what tasks he was to fulfill for Heaven. He was never given that kind of information. After all, he is a solider, not a leader. Still, he knew that Dean cannot expect much of his time on Earth. It will surely be filled with hardships and trials. The least what Castiel could give him is a little peace and a safe place inside of his own head.  
   
Soon, Castiel will wake Dean to start the process of repairing Dean's soul, which for he was sure he couldn't complete in one take. He'll have to take breaks and time inbetween. And even after that, he'll need time to repair himself just enough to take Dean out of Hell. That is a lot of time and sigils are wearing off. Hell is a fluid place- this cave right now is deserted and forgotten piece of Hell, but that could change in a blink of an eye. Soon it could be in the center of the Pit, swarmed with all kinds of very old and powerful demons. If such a thing happened, Castiel would have to run, and run fast. He needs to save some strength for that too. He is not willing to take any risks that would lead to losing Dean to forces of Hell once again.  
   
Castiel needed to explain the details of the process that will take place and their circumstances. He wanted Dean to understand. After all this time in Hell Dean was very intrusting and aggressive. For something so fragile and complex as remaking a human soul, Castiel must make Dean a bit more cooperative, and he assumed the easiest way would be talking. Humans tended to enjoy receiving respect and being direct with Dean, volunteering to share information seems like shortest path. That would be significantly less coarse if Castiel ever communicated with a human in that way before the earlier encounter with said human. Not that he never thought about it: humans are quite interesting and Dean is a prime example of the perplexity that intrigues Castiel.  
   
Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Castiel called:"Dean?"  
   
Human stirred a little, but remained in his tranquil state. Castiel tried again this time using human methods. When they proved unsuccessful once again, he reached out to Righteous man with his Grace.  
   
  *  
  
   
   
Dean felt warmth, filling his entire being; small but strong pull that was dragging him closer and closer to wakefulness until he was completely conscious. He was still in a cave with that sparkly thing. Angel, he corrected himself, remembering the embarrassing fact that the said angel, 'thing', could actually read his thoughts. What was the name? Some mouthful starting with a C... Cas.. Castiel?, yeah, Castiel. Cas sounded better. Flashbacks of their conversation made him shake any remaining sleep induced numbness.  
   
"So, this is it? You ready for all that... remaking?" Dean asked nervously.  
   
Castiel seemed to think about it for a second, and then answered cautiously:"I am almost ready. Given the delicacy of the situation and the whole process I thought it would be best if I gave you some information about it first."  
   
"Yeah, sure. I wanna know what you'll do to me with that freakish angel mojo."  
   
"That 'angel mojo' is strength that I receive from Heaven. Repairing a soul is a great task and I won't be able to do it all at once. The process of healing is complicated and it requires your participation as well as my powers. With each completed step you'll feel better. More like your old self."  
   
"What do you need me to do?"  
   
"It is not what you need 'to do'. It is more than that. You'll need to relearn and obtain things that are now completely lost to you. For example your trust, faith, determination. All the things Hell took from you. I understand that after everything it is impossible to imagine that you once trusted someone or that you will put your trust into someone again. But it will happen, eventually. I want you to be open to the possibility of getting back what you had lost. It won't be easy. I hope you will trust me soon enough. I saved you. I'll bring you back to your brother. I'm helping you."  
   
When Dean started to interrupt, clearly disapproving of Castiel's reassuring statements, but the angel continued, more serious:"I know you don't trust me now. I hope you will. For both of our sakes. Hell is dangerous and unpredictable."  
   
"What is this cave anyway? Where exactly are we?"  
   
"Hell is too unsteady for any map. It changes constantly, realms and places floating and gravitating towards the center of the Pit. We are in deserted part, but that can change."  
   
"So you are saying that we can be back in Alastairs hole any moment now?" Dean asked, panicked.  
   
"No. Sigils are preventing it. We are safe for now, though there is possibility we'll have to move when they wear off."  
   
Silence fell uncomfortably upon them and Castiel decided to abandon further attempts on conversation seeing that he already said all of importance, which only resulted in increasing of Deans unsteadiness and maybe slight deflating of his reluctance. Castiel pushed his Grace towards Dean, enveloping him and starting the search for deepest wounds, but Dean suddenly yelled for him to stop, aghast.  
   
Confused, Castiel pulled away and inquired what disrupted Dean: "This isn't the first time you were touched by my Grace. I healed you before."  
   
"I know. I know. It's just... a lot stronger than the last time. And... I don't know. It's not even bad feeling. It's good. It doesn't hurt, just like you said. But it's intense. Like really intense and I..." he stopped speaking, but Castiel could clearly see the rest: Dean felt trapped, remembering the racks, and the fear immediately followed, clouding his senses and leaving nothing but consternation.  
   
Obviously at lost, not knowing how to help Dean, Castiel put more distance between the human and himself, waiting for Dean to calm down and take control once again. Surprisingly, that small action seemed to help, and soon Dean was noticeably better.  
   
"You talked about trust, right?" Dean's voice pulled him out of his inner struggles.  
   
"Yes, that is correct."  
   
"Well, I can't possibly trust that bundle of light, could you... I don't know, look human? Or 'corporal' at least?"  
   
"I can appear human" Castiel said, thinking of one of his vessels, a man named Jimmy Novak, close to Dean's age, presumably someone who looked nonthreatening enough for Dean to feel comfortable. It didn't require any of his strength: changing his appearance was simply matter of perception and if Dean believed this would help him, Castiel will do it.  
   
"Whoa, man, what are you? Holy tax accountant?"  
   
"This is one of my vessels. His name is Jimmy Novak."  
   
"But he is still up there?"  
   
"Yes. This is merely a deception."  
   
"Okay. Good. I can work with..." Dean trailed off, waving hand in Castiels general direction.  
   
Noticing that Dean is more at ease, Castiel decided to ask: "Shall we try again?"  
   
"Yeah. We can do that." This time, Castiel chose to move as a human, imitating their actions and walking towards Dean, making his arrival obvious. He stood very close to Dean, and reached to him, taking one of Dean's hands in both of his, promising once again:"It won't hurt. I won't hurt you."  
   
Castiel started slower, covering Dean with his Grace at a snails pace, and it looked like Dean managed to keep himself under control.  
   
Healing is a long process that requires all of Castiel's attention, and after unsuccessfully trying to patch up a particularly great wound, he discovered it needed something more. Castiel never had a task even similar to this, and while aware of the technicalities, the need for connection between souls and the strength, he didn't know that some wounds are too big for healing under purely angelic touch. This one just wouldn't melt back together. It demanded sacrifice, a piece of him. Part of him that is most valued and guarded. A part of his Grace.  
   
For Castiel giving up a fragment of his soul was painful, excruciating even, but any reservation against it disappeared under his sheer determination to fuse smaller, shattered bits of Dean into soul they once were.  
   
   
*  
   
   
Dean wasn't aware of time. Surely it passed, but he had no way of knowing exactly how much of it passed. Surprised, he noted a quite reluctant retreat of panic, but hey, still retreat. Calm feeling took its place and he was starting to gradually feel better, bit by bit more himself than he was in forever. Cas was still standing next to him, piercing blue eyes firmly closed, his hand still in both angel's. Only he didn't feel as trapped as before. Dean liked peace that the contact ensured. All in all, he was fine right now, in this stupid cave, somewhere in depths of Hell. If you ignore the fact that all could come crashing down any moment, but he wanted this peace for a little longer now. For just a little bit. It was very mind numbing. Cas was tiny bit like pot Dean guessed. Not so bad after all.  
   
In one moment, Dean felt everything change. And once in his life, it was for better. He felt as if until now all of his lungs were missing and he just got them back and could really start breathing. He thought he could feel his heart pumping strongly, making him aware of his limbs. His legs didn't feel stiff anymore, and he could feel his fingers again. Move them too. It was like something opened his eyes and he could once again see the light of Castiel, the one he subdued when he transformed into a guy in a suit and trench coat. Dean was overwhelmed with relief, that special kind of relief after sudden disappearance of a strong pain you grew accustomed to. He bathed in the delicious feeling, simply basking in glory of the uninterrupted ease and the pure fact that he felt more real.  
   
"I...I have to stop now. How are you feeling Dean?" Castiel said, and opened his eyes, breaking magical relief.  
   
"What? Fine. I'm fine. It just started to be really good actually. I mean, all was great, best thing I felt in decades, literally. But at the end it just started to be... well incredible. So... yeah-" Dean rambled on, waiting for Castiel to move away from him and vehemently mourning loss of blissful sensation.  
   
When it became obvious that Castiel had no intention of stepping away or even breaking the unnerving eye contact, Dean cough and awkwardly asked:"Umm, Cas? Could you. Eh, could you give me some space here?"  
   
Castiel slowly nodded and let go of Deans hand, moving back to the place from where he guarded Dean in his sleep. As angel walked, Dean felt all of the remaining peace slip away. "The strength ran out. I am not capable of proceeding at the moment."  
   
"What was that? At the end I mean. Grand finale? Being tease ain't cool man."  
   
"It was not a grand finale. What you felt most recently was actually an unexpected obstacle. For some wounds apparently strength of Heaven isn't enough. I had to sacrifice a part of myself to heal it. Small fragment of my Grace is now weaved into your soul."  
   
"Your Grace? I'm not sure what that is even? But I'm betting it's something serious. Something serious that you failed to mention before."  
   
"My Grace is my soul. It is most precious part of me. It's what makes me an angel. And as I said before, Dean, it was an unexpected obstacle. I didn't know what will healing you require of me. I expected obligatory sacrifice on my part, but I couldn't know if it would affect you."  
   
Castiel stopped and let Dean process, then continued, less forcefully: "I have never done this before. Sharing my Grace with you is acute and there will certainly be consequences. Of what kind, I'm not yet sure."  
   
Dean grunted unhappily, and then started to get up, insistent on moving on his own. Getting part of his strength back, being able to stand up and move around was such a pleasure. Experimenting cautiously he was almost happy, enjoying his limbs, exploring parts of the cave but keeping on safe distance from far entrance.  
   
Meanwhile, Castiel stood in his place, rigid, under sudden overflow of all these unknown sensations that roamed in him, that made him pull away and stop. As soon as his Grace became part of Dean's soul he became aware of every human feeling that passed through Dean's soul, his every thought and even sheer Dean's presence. Castiel was unable to ignore them as usual. He felt as if those emotions were his own, bewildered by all unknown senses that were rolling within him. They were never meant to be experienced by an angel. He didn't know how to cope with them, as they disrupted the quiet peace that was always firmly seated in him, replacing it with raging storm of relief, happiness, fear, stubbornness, pain, panic, loneliness and faint hope.  
   
Castiel felt a strange pull towards Dean and even after retreating his Grace, he didn't break the contact with the human, too confused to think about that simple action and possible human interpretations of it. He retreated when Dean asked him to, still not entirely in control of himself. Castiel knew there would be some changes following colossal act of gifting his Grace, but he never thought it would affect him like this. However, he did expect a bond to be formed and if Castiel was to survive this, he would be more cognizant to prayers and thoughts of this particular human. Having access on more personal level to Dean's thoughts, feelings and an insight in human probably unique between the angels made him only more fascinated. This bond, that allowed such involving mending of souls, may be even dangerous for him. He knew he wasn't careful enough. But now, under whirlwind of sensations, he couldn't make himself regret being the one who got to Dean first.


	3. Yours, Mine, Yours?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are *greatly* appreciated. All mistakes are mine.  
> Please enjoy,
> 
> Nessa.

Sharing Grace happened twice more in five healings. Each time it did, Castiel was left with fewer and fewer remains of his once ever present peace. He couldn't tell anymore whether the burning hope for survival was now his or Deans, if the fear of immense torture was his or Deans, or if the recent closeness between them came from him or Dean. They don't trust each other yet, nor are they exactly at ease in each others company, but notable progress is made and with every healing Dean seems to open up a tiny bit more, making Castiel give in slightly into strange ways of human race. They were on a right path, of that Castiel was confident, even if he felt like he was losing control over himself, unable to control his new found emotions and rapidly developing them in ways he thought only humans could.

Apparently, Dean liked to discuss cars, mostly his beloved '67 Chevy Impala to whom he persistently referred as 'baby', talk about his favorite music and movies, and sometimes even tell couple of stories about his brother Sam. It made Castiel more confused then he ever was, all the inner ticks of humans, finding himself often asking questions that amused Dean to no end. He even smiled once or twice, after Castiel had done something particularly ridiculous to Dean. It was marvelous surprise, seeing Dean healed so much that he can muster a smile. Even if things took unexpected turn when that happened. Strange warmth spread through Castiel, filing him with joy, and before he knew it, he responded in kind, now used to his appearance as his vessel, making human face split into bright, exquisite smile.

Dean discovered how being close to Castiel makes him more placate, as Castiels Grace responded to the angel, and swiftly after that made himself overcome boundaries of personal space, not quite touching Castiel, but close enough to enjoy his presence and relief it ensured.

Castiel found his joy in Deans contentment, developing deep protectiveness towards him and being satisfied with knowledge that Dean not only tolerated his never ending questions, he seemed to savor the attention.

Sixth healing was no different from the others. That is, until the bond took most abrupt turn possible, and made bridge that connected Deans emotions to Castiel a two way street. It made Dean aware of all... things brewing inside Castiel. Bewildered, he asked:”Is this you? For real?”

Startled, Castiel answered dismissively: “Yes. The bond, I presume.”

“Is it making you like this? 'Cause let me tell you, you're kind of a mess.”

“No, it's not making me. It merely gave me an open door, you may say, to human emotions. They are most consuming.”

“You feel protective over me? Is that some angel-possessive-pride thing?”

“I feel responsible for you. Angels don't usually feel, in that way, so no, it has no connection to the fact I'm an angel.” Castiel said, unwillingly. He was not prepared to reason about everything he felt.

“This isn't responsibility that I'm getting.”

“What are you 'getting', Dean?”

“Devotion. And more.”

“More?” Castiel asked, feeling extremely baffled.

“Yeah.” Dean said, obviously uncomfortable, as he moved away from Castiel.One thing he didn't do for a long time now. Castiel felt shift in Dean, new wall he put up, distancing himself. Though Castiel wasn't sure what happened, he was determinate not to let it slide.

“Dean, you need to understand that experiencing human emotions was never meant for an angel. I have no idea how to control them or even distinguish mine form yours. If I have offended you, I apologise, but we do not have the luxury to let mistakes interferer with your recovery.”

“Cas... don't tell me you have no grasp on human emotions. You told me stories of building pyramids and the Great Wall which you witnessed yourself. Fear, sadness, love, loss, happiness, _basic human emotions_ can't be that complicated for an ancient like you that 'watched humans' for centuries.” Dean said, heat of his words almost palpable.

“I have never experienced them before. They are peculiar and perplexing.”

“Okay... so how do you feel about me then, Mr. Big Words?” Dean pressed, more nervous by second.

Castiel paused, willing the unstoppable whirlwind of thoughts, memories and emotions calm, and then focused on Dean, trying to come up with a safe answer, one that wasn't 'warmth' or 'fondness'.

He settled for:” I'm fascinated.”

Dean looked him in deep frown, and after a beat said:”You know I can feel it? Fascination wasn't first thing that came up.”

Exasperated, Castiel gave up the pretense, turning back to the direct approach:”What do you want Dean?”

Shaking his head, Dean answered:” Only one who wold attempt the suicide mission that you're planning to save me-is my brother, and his feels? Nothing like yours, trust me. Yeah, I picked _the plan_ up too. Brilliant Cas, throwing yourself at demons practically defenseless just to provide long enough distraction that would give me a shot of getting out. Real smart. I know this is some important 'God commanded it' mission but there will be more angels. You said they might find us.”

“Might. I cannot take that chance.”

“Hah. Exactly. Bobby and Sammy are the only ones that would do that for me. And they are family. You? I don't know. I don't know you. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do.”

“I don't expect you to do anything.” Castiel said, wondering where this conversation was going. He might look into Deans mind, but didn't want to, not since Dean asked him not to.

Dean was fidgeting, pacing and nervously biting his lip. Then he stared into nothing for a while. After that he decided to sleep. When he woke up, he paced a little more. Castiel for all that time stood in his place, going over and over surreal dialogue. He stayed away from Deans thoughts, thinking it may be the best to simply give him time to come to the terms with the turn of the events on his own. It worked before.

*

Castiel was still hoarding his strength when Dean marched decisively to him and grabbed him, gripping his forearms tightly. He found Castiels eyes, and said calmly: “Now listen. I don't know this in any other way then human. If it's not okay, you tell me?”

When Castiel said nothing, Dean huffed, waited for a bit and then stealing himself, leaned in and captured Castiels lips in small, light touch.

As the kiss landed on his mouth, Castiel felt strength and pull and bliss like no other. He felt need to be as close to Dean as possible, to take him away to safety, hide him and never let him go into harms way. He felt parts of his Grace in Deans soul sing in joy of their union, making him mad with sudden elation. Castiel felt as if he could take on all Hell for Dean, just to ensure that he would be intact.

Now Castiel knew. It wasn't fondness. It was love.


	4. Dean Winchester Is Saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final healing and great escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> I'm so sorry because of delay, mid-terms got into the way.  
> This chapter has some extra fluff in as an apology.  
> Reviews are wonderful, thank you so much :3  
> All mistakes are mine, 
> 
> Nessa

Dean felt Castiel stiff against him, his muscles tense under Deans fingertips. Dean would probably panic and assume rejection by now, considering that Castiel's lips were rigid, even though his moved against them gently, prolonging first real contact with someone after Alistair, but he could feel Castiels happiness and unmistakable affection through their bond. He could pick up protectiveness and care, his loyalty and simple, strong love. It was reassuring and comfortable, even though Castiel didn't know how to respond to a kiss. It made Dean smile, and as he pulled away, he saw Castiels piercing blue eyes wide open. Dean felt his smile grew larger so he sneaked his arms around Castiels waist, pulling him closer into his warm embrace, and dipping his head slightly lower, bringing their foreheads together while he enjoyed Castiels intense gaze that made his heart beat faster.

“You should close your eyes during the kiss, silly.” Dean whispered, letting fondness creep into his voice.

“I wasn't aware there were rules.” Castiel sullenly retorted.

“Hey grumpy, it wasn't bad. It was opposite of bad. Wanna try again?” Dean proposed, as he felt ridiculous chuckle coming. Someone might call it giggle even. But he was so damn happy feeling Castiels true emotions that he didn't care. He had his Big Gay Crisis, his Not Even Human Crisis and his We're Still in Hell Crisis and yet he wanted to kiss this angel more than anything. Dean brought Castiels arms around his neck and leaned in again, this time revealing his passion, abandoning all caution, and diving right in. He felt over the top when Castiel tentatively responded, moving slightly in harmony with him.

Dean wanted to stay right there forever, kissing Castiel, feeling loved and adored.

Castiel broke the kiss with small sound emitting regret, but informed Dean that he was ready to continue with healing: “I believe this is the last one.”

“About your plan... Cas, I'm not leaving here without you. We can make it.” Dean suddenly felt terror seeping through him. He dreaded the sheer possibility of losing Cas now that he has him. Dean squeezed his arms around Castiels ribs more tightly, pulled him even closer to him. “I would stay and fight.” He added with determination.

“New plan then. Let me heal you first.”

“No.”

Castiel huffed, a little quirk he picked up from Dean. There was an expression of irritated tenderness on his face:”I'll fly us out.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Dean hid his face in crook of Castiels neck, relishing how safe it made him feel. “You can heal me now.” Dean could feel angels amusement, and surprise that followed. It was like Castiel wanted to laugh but he wasn't yet sure how.

Castiel didn't want to move away from Dean, so he cupped his jaw and let his Grace wander, search tears in Deans soul, repairing them. It made their bond even more vast, somehow deeper and stronger. Every healing made Dean boneless, glowing and sated all over, so when Castiel abruptly pulled away he grunted in protest.

“What?” he asked numbly, slowly opening his eyes and then seeing Castiels tens, cold expression. “WHAT?” Dean asked again, obvious horror in his eyes. His heart was beating like mad again, this time for completely different reasons.

“Demons. They found us.”

“Then we gotta run. Now!” Dean untangled himself from Castiel, grasping his hand and tugging, hard. “Come on! I know you're not healed. We can't fight!”

“No. They are too close.” Castiel said in his stoic voice, dropping strange looking blade from his sleeve into his hand. “ _We_ are not going to fight. _I_ am going to fight them. Just long enough that I can fly away. You need to stay here.”

“I told you I'm going to fight!” Dean protested, holding Castiels hand firmly.

“I need you safe! You are going to stay here and wait until I return.”

“No!” Dean was adamant.

“I promised you I'll go with you.”

Dean pulled Castiel into desperate kiss, holding him impossibly tight. “You come back to me, alright?”

“Yes.” Behind that simple word stood way more feelings and promises that one could imagine.

Dean thought he could explode from agony that ooze from Castiel as he walked away, abandoning him, going through cave entrance and into the dark. He could only see sudden flashes of light that would indicate Castiel was still alive and kicking, aside from constant screams and shrieking. Dean could only pray that they weren't Castiels.

In great burst of light, Castiel returned and morphed into recognizable image of his vessel that now looked beat up and bloody, representing angels current state. “Dean! We're going. Right now!” Castiel griped his shoulders and rushed him out into obscurity.

Last thing he saw were Castiels wings, bigger than he remembered and somehow brighter, and then they were off, flying endlessly up. He was cradled safely into Castiels arms, but he could feel blows that the angel took, never stopping or slowing down. Dean felt sudden lightness and freedom- the second they left Hell he was better and livelier. He was with Cas and everything was alright. Sudden exhaustion overcame him and he easily slipped into unconscious state.

Castiel was panting, trying to keep his pain at bay, but he couldn't ignore hip powers melting away. They landed on Deans grave and with the last of strength he could muster he rebuilt Deans body, enabling his soul to inhabit it once again. He noticed marks he unintentionally left on Deans upper arms, strangely pleased with them and then ascended to Heaven, trying to get his strength back quickly before Dean woke up.

He was beaming over success as he joyfully announced to everyone: “DEAN WINCHESTER IS SAVED.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to leave me a prompt, feel free to find me on tumblr: [Nessa's scribbles](http://www.nessanumennesse.tumblr.com/)  
> New chapter is up every Friday.


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